Well, I’ve had a nice break from the blog, and I think I’m feeling ready to start posting again.
I’m in a different place mentally than I was a month ago (or however long it’s been since I posted). A better place. Much better.
I moved forward over the past month in the post-relationship mental processing — a giant leap forward. This was really necessary for me, even though it’s been over six months since I moved out – I’d gotten stuck in a place where I recognized that my thoughts and judgements and opinions had been forced into his mold, but I was in denial about how dramatic that was, and I couldn’t step out of the mold quite yet. Especially since we were still spending lots of time together. In fact we’d been spending more and more time together, and I’d begun to wonder if we might not have a chance at getting back together. I initiated a conversation where I started clarifying some of the things that hadn’t worked for me during our time together, and it blossomed into a dialogue of crystal clear communication (VERY rare for us, that was one of my issues actually) which, while encouraging in and of itself, made it very clear we are NOT getting back together. As soon as that conversation was over, like magic, I felt freed up. Freed up from constraints I hadn’t even realized I was carrying. I apparently have a HUGE tolerance for walking on eggshells to accommodate another person. For taking their perspective and denying any other (even though I usually have a personal view that’s a conglomeration of several perspectives). I’m not sure that’s a wholly bad trait, but I guess I’d gotten rather carried away with it. Discarding it, now that it doesn’t serve me, felt really good!
Anyway, so here I am back. When I first started the blog, I used it almost as a diary, just posting tidbits of what happened each day or every couple days. I think I might like to go back to that, instead of feeling like every post has to be so SIGNIFICANT.
Unfortunately, my first diaric post is of a vegetative day in which I did nothing except water the garden, surf the web, and make a pseudo-omelet for lunch with eggs (local), avocado (not local) and bleu cheese (not local). The garlic was not local either, although I do have some local garlic, but I’m using up the pound from the co-op first before I get to the local heads. Oh, and I added in a half a jalapeno from my own garden too. As I’ll describe another time, my garden this year was truly a bust – hardly anything grew. But there are bits and pieces that grew, and three jalapenos is three more than none. Then tonight I made a salad from store-bought greens and tomatoes, and feta, and another avocado, and some other non-local stuff, but some of my own chard went in, plus slices of a local leek.
