http://dogslittleacre.wordpress.com/2008/10/05/cant-we-all-just-get-along/ my wanderings along the back road towards home... Sun, 28 Dec 2008 14:34:38 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 http://dogslittleacre.wordpress.com/2008/10/05/cant-we-all-just-get-along/#comment-219 sueb1997 Sun, 12 Oct 2008 18:18:25 +0000 http://dogslittleacre.wordpress.com/?p=147#comment-219 The answer is BOTH -- she is indeed dealing with some external stresses that might make the hardiest of us grumpy and whiny. But it's become clear to me that it's ALSO her nature. Or at least, it's her current MO. I like your approach of asking what she thinks she might do to become less unhappy -- but I truly think she doesnt WANT to become (or appear) less unhappy; I think she complains in order to seek pity. This seems obvious when she takes no action to resolve even simple problems (D: "oh, my feet hurt, it's been a long day." Sue thinks, but doesn't say: Your work shift is a known length of time -- and you complain about your feet being tired Every.Single.Day -- why don't you just wear more comfortable shoes?). IMO her hurting feet (in this example) are not the real problem -- she's stumping for sympathy, which makes me think she's not feeling appreciated, acknowledged, respected, challenged, something like that. I can only give her limited support without appearing to endorse her lack of actual work, but I think I can clue in at least one other person who might be able to give her the kind of respect she seems to need. Thanks, Sam, good insights! The answer is BOTH — she is indeed dealing with some external stresses that might make the hardiest of us grumpy and whiny. But it’s become clear to me that it’s ALSO her nature. Or at least, it’s her current MO. I like your approach of asking what she thinks she might do to become less unhappy — but I truly think she doesnt WANT to become (or appear) less unhappy; I think she complains in order to seek pity. This seems obvious when she takes no action to resolve even simple problems (D: “oh, my feet hurt, it’s been a long day.” Sue thinks, but doesn’t say: Your work shift is a known length of time — and you complain about your feet being tired Every.Single.Day — why don’t you just wear more comfortable shoes?). IMO her hurting feet (in this example) are not the real problem — she’s stumping for sympathy, which makes me think she’s not feeling appreciated, acknowledged, respected, challenged, something like that. I can only give her limited support without appearing to endorse her lack of actual work, but I think I can clue in at least one other person who might be able to give her the kind of respect she seems to need. Thanks, Sam, good insights!

]]> http://dogslittleacre.wordpress.com/2008/10/05/cant-we-all-just-get-along/#comment-218 samcandide Sun, 12 Oct 2008 06:38:29 +0000 http://dogslittleacre.wordpress.com/?p=147#comment-218 So does D have personal life-stuff at home that's keeping her so thin-skinned at work? Or is this just her nature? And remember your eggshells insight (below): sometimes it's really worth just asking the complaining person what they think they might actually _do_ to stop feeling so unhappy. Having to listen to such constant venting, no matter how compassionate you want to be, is pretty unhealthy, maybe ... So does D have personal life-stuff at home that’s keeping her so thin-skinned at work? Or is this just her nature? And remember your eggshells insight (below): sometimes it’s really worth just asking the complaining person what they think they might actually _do_ to stop feeling so unhappy. Having to listen to such constant venting, no matter how compassionate you want to be, is pretty unhealthy, maybe …

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